I used to wait

I always waited for the right moment to come.

I waited for safety

to shine

to rise

to speak.

I spent years waiting

to take my part in this life.

I had been sitting on the fence.

My heart used to jump right away,

but I forced myself to slow down,

to wait.

I took out all the energy

and putted it into waiting.

My waiting became powerful,

my jumping became lazy and rare.

Now, after years, I still feel hidden parts of my heart jumping right away

with unbroken joy, curiosity, and concernment

filled with truth, with life, with eternity.

Today I do not know better.

But I do know that waiting is not connecting me with my active role in life.

It is feeding a distance,

a distant place that locks me in my own dark, in a place,

where I was suspecting security, but only found bitterness.

Today, it’s a fresh moment.

Today I don’t wait any longer for my heart to jump first - we jump together.

I have made the decision to take an active part in my life.

To actively act on joy, on curiosity, on freedom, on compassion, on connection and oneness.

This is what I am here to live.

In the space of waiting there is no safety, there is no shining.

Everything is dimmed.

I felt numb there.

It was okay. But I live for more than just okay.

I live

for the truth in my heart,

for joy,

for oneness,

for love,

for healing,

for simplicity

and remembering,

for the circle,

for embodied awakening,

for the one love we all are made of and that we all share.